


Better Be the Head of a Dog Than the Tail of a Lion

by RedHawkeRevolver



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Did I mention fluff?, Dogs, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Holiday Fic Exchange, Pugs, Romance, Satinalia, Smut, happy fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 16:58:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5464091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedHawkeRevolver/pseuds/RedHawkeRevolver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Satinalia tail for mahbecks, in which Cullen is outmatched and outwitted by the fairer sex and the smarter species.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Be the Head of a Dog Than the Tail of a Lion

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mahbecks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahbecks/gifts).



Cullen slammed the door to his office and hurried to the keep. The air was biting cold and the wind whipped stray flakes of snow from the rooftops across his path. The temperature, at least, was pleasant. The chill served to cool his heated annoyance.

He was late for a council meeting. He hated being late. Unfortunately, with so many of his favored officers being on leave for the upcoming holiday, he was practically handling everything himself.

Several servants hanging garland in the main hall greeted him as he strode past. The clean scent of pine and holly wafted all around. Terse but friendly nods were all he had time to offer in response. His own bad mood was upsetting him. He loved Satinalia, and had ever since he was a boy. This being his first holiday with Evelyn, he was determined, starting this evening, to be in a more festive mood. Surely, Evelyn could find a way to help with that.

He mumbled apologies when he entered the council room. Shutting the door, he turned to take in the scene before him.

There was a rat on the war table, but it wasn't a rat.

"What is that thing?" Cullen asked disdainfully.

At first, the twittering women surrounding the oversized rodent didn't look up or even acknowledge his presence. He sighed loudly and cleared his throat. Still no response. He repeated his question in a deep timbre, loud enough to echo against the vaulted ceiling. "I said, 'What is that thing?' And why is it sitting on Denerim?" He was beginning to wonder if there was anything that _wasn't_ going to annoy him today.

The doe-eyed look of three love-struck females, and those of the rat, finally focused their attention on him. Leliana, Josephine and Evelyn were all huddled around the creature, petting it and cooing incoherently.

"Cullen!" Evelyn exclaimed. "Isn't he just the most adorable little thing?" She scratched behind the rat-but-not-a-rat's ears and its wide buggy eyes closed in contentment.

"What _is_ it?" Cullen repeated.

"It's a dog, of course." Leliana replied with a roll of her eyes as if he were the dullest dimwit that ever dared ask a question.

" _That_ is _not_ a dog. We have a kennel full of dogs. None of them are... _that_."

"The Inquisition war hounds are Mabari, obviously. This, Commander, is a pug." Josephine picked the thing up off Denerim and cradled it in her arms. It snuggled it's odd flat face into her shoulder.

"A... _nug_?" It didn't look like any nug he'd ever seen.

Josephine huffed. "A _pug_. P-U-G. It is unique to Orlais. They are specially bred to be companion animals for the nobility and they are very much in fashion right now in Val Royeaux. These days, a Lady wouldn't be caught dead without one by her side. Really Cullen, if you ever looked up from your reports you would know these things."

"Ser Barris gifted this little darling to our Ambassador as an early Satinalia present." Evelyn smiled. "Isn't that romantic?"

Cullen did _not_ think giving the woman you claimed to love a rat was romantic in the slightest. And leave it to the damn Orlesians to ruin a perfectly good and useful animal by turning it into a foppish toy for the idle nobility.

"Can we please get on with the meeting?" He asked as he rearranged a few markers on the map that the rat had displaced.

They proceeded with their business for the day, all while Josephine absently stroked the short fur of her pet where it lay nestled in the crook of her elbow. Cullen was continually distracted by the thing's disproportionately large black eyes that were much too big for its punched in, wrinkled face. It was as if the rat were paying attention to the topics discussed and was trying to silently stare down Cullen, questioning his counsel.

When their meeting ended, the Commander was happy to leave the ladies to their ugly little animal. Perhaps he'd visit the kennel and see how the real dogs were faring. Just as he was about to leave the room, however, he caught the rat-tail end of a conversation he hadn't initially been paying attention to.

"Are you sure it's alright?" Josephine asked. "Perhaps I should just stay. I feel so terrible leaving him when I've only had him so short a time"

"Don't be silly Josie! We're happy to take care of him while you and Delrin are visiting his family. Aren't we Cullen?"

What? _"_ Uhm _…what?"_

 _"_ Josephine and Ser Barris are traveling to Ferelden to see his family for Satinalia. I offered to watch little Boot while they're away. Apparently Ser Barris has some type of allergy to his fur and the quarters would be too close in the carriage for him to travel comfortably."

That was the biggest load of bullshit Cullen had ever heard, as was that name. "Boot?" He had to ask.

Josephine giggled and blushed. "Yes, isn't it precious? Delrin named him. I'm not sure how he came up with it, but I think it suits."

Cullen could guess where Ser Barris got the name. The ridiculous appearance of the thing, that could only loosely be associated with the canine species, simply cried out to have the swift kick of a boot right up its rear end.

He decided he was irritated enough to call out Josephine on Barris' 'allergy'. "Why did he buy this for you if he couldn't even be around it?"

The Ambassador's expression went cold and her voice hardened. "Because, he knew I wanted one and he's a very _generous_ lover, in all respects."

Was she implying something about his own generosity as a lover? He narrowed his eyes at the Antivan. She narrowed hers back at him.

Evelyn interrupted their staring contest. "It's only until after the holiday." She announced loudly. "The boys will get along just fine. Now run along and finish packing. You'll need to be leaving soon before the snow really starts to come down. Evelyn swept up Boot, gave Cullen a peck on the cheek as she passed him and left the war room, with Josephine following behind.

There were many many things he should have been attending to, being so short staffed. Instead, the Commander left the war room and chose to find Ser Barris. The knight was in the stable yard, preparing to depart when Cullen walked up to him.

"Bullshit." The Commander said without preamble.

Barris looked up from what he was doing, innocent as could be. "I'm sorry ser?"

"You. Allergic. To the rat. Bullshit." Cullen repeated.

The other man smiled knowingly and chuckled. "Isn't it the ugliest thing you've ever seen? Maker! What a man won't do for love, eh, Commander?"

"Apparently your 'love' doesn't extend to taking the thing with you. It's been foisted onto the Inquisitor."

Barris laughed even louder. He looked like he was about to say something when he stifled his mirth and gave Cullen a silent warning to do the same. Cullen turned to see Evelyn and Josephine heading towards them. Josephine was holding the dog at first but then she put it down in the snow at Evelyn's feet. There was barely a dusting on the ground but the thing was so short the drifts came up to its knees. It didn't even try to walk. It just stood there picking up its paws as if it couldn't believe someone had the audacity to expect it to suffer the elements. Evelyn picked it up, cleared the caked snow from between its toes with her fingers, gave Josephine a hug goodbye and went back inside.

Cullen gave Barris one last irate scowl, then left him and followed after Evelyn.

"Thank you, Commander!" Barris shouted at his back as he walked away, and then he added in a harsh whisper. "I owe you!"

Cullen marched through the snow, then through the main hall and upstairs to their bed chamber. He found Evelyn on the floor holding a knotted piece of rope that Boot was biting and tugging at. It made tiny little growling noises as it played, and it looked even more absurd trying to look fierce than when it was just sitting there trying to look like a normal dog.

"That is the most useless animal I've ever seen." He simply couldn't hold in the comment any longer.

Evelyn looked up at him in shock, dropped the rope and covered the dog's ears. "Shhh! He'll hear you! Josie said he's very sensitive."

"Oh for Maker's sake, Evelyn. You can't be serious. Don't tell me you actually like that thing."

"As a matter of fact, I do." She replied defensively gathering Boot into her arms. Its beady eyes looked up at Cullen smugly. "He's adorable and intelligent and a wonderful companion."

Cullen walked over and took the dog. Though it was dense for its size, he didn't see how that could be at all helpful. He set it down on the couch and moved back to Evelyn. Kneeling next to her, he wrapped her into an embrace, and she welcomed it by nuzzling into his neck.

"You know, I think you've said those same things about me before." He whispered into her ear and kissed along the sensitive shell.

She shivered at his tickling touch and smiled. "True enough, my love."

Cullen pulled them both to their feet and swept her up off the floor. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he started making his way to the bed. When he turned, however, he caught a glimpse of the dog staring straight at them from where it sat on the couch.

"Evelyn." Cullen was barely able to get her name out, as she was now kissing him relentlessly. "Evelyn, you need to put the dog out."

"What? Why?" She questioned through kisses. "He's fine."

Reluctantly, Cullen separated from her and set her down onto the bed. He pointed at Boot. "It's... _watching_." He looked at her, expecting agreement, but all he got was a confused tilt of her head.

He pressed the point. "We can't have sex while that thing sits there watching. It's disturbing."

Evelyn sputtered and then burst out laughing. "Cullen, are you saying you can't make love to me because a dog is watching you? Because I'm fairly certain, we've been at least heard if not outright observed in the act in several places around Skyhold, not the least of which was that one time in your loft while your men were waiting for you in your office."

Cullen shook his head and waved his hands. "That was...those were...all of that was _different_." He wondered why he was being made to feel like the strange one, when clearly it was she who had a problem if she was okay with that abnormally small and pointless excuse for a pet watching them make love.

"So you're fine being an exhibitionist for humans, but not for dogs?"

" _That_ is _not_ a dog!" His frustration was getting the better of him. He sighed deeply and rubbed his face with his hands. He looked out the windows, perhaps hoping to see some kind of divine intervention. All he saw was a rapidly darkening sky and the start of a fresh snowfall.

Evelyn stood and, reaching up on her toes, gave him a light kiss on his forehead. Her condescending tone was not lost on him when she spoke.

"You've been working too hard lately, my love. Why don't you go have a drink. I should take Boot for a walk again anyway before it gets too dark and the snow gets any deeper. I'll see you back here later on, alright?"

Feeling defeated, Cullen left to do as he was bid. The dog snorted indignantly through its stunted nose at him before he exited the room. He walked across the courtyard mulling over how he'd been ejected from his own bedroom on account of an Orlesian rodent. He stepped into the warmth of the Herald's Rest and dusted the snow off his shoulders. He almost turned around and left when a familiar voice called out to him.

"Knight-Captain! Over here!"

Cullen had hoped to avoid Garrett Hawke while he was in residence at Skyhold. He'd done a good job of it until now. Damn that pug.

"Come on, Curly." Varric, who was sitting next to Hawke at a table by the fire, waved him over to join them. The dwarf changed his voice to approximate Cullen's Ferelden accent. He proceeded to mock the words Cullen had repeated to others many times in the past, adding, " _And that is not his title any longe_ r, Hawke."

"Right, right, _Commander_." Hawke's condescension mirrored Evelyn's from earlier. Again, Cullen felt that blame fell to the pug for having to suffer this unnecessary interaction. "Well, have a seat. And a drink. Or two. Or ten."

If getting drunk hadn't sounded so appealing after the day he'd had, Cullen would have turned around and left, but it did sound appealing so he stayed. He sat down next to Varric, across from Hawke. At the mage's feet, he noticed a Mabari sat, content and silently observant.

"Still have your Mabari, I see, Champion?" He nodded at the well-behaved pup while gesturing a barmaid over. He took an ale from her and downed half of it in one swig.

" _That is not my title any longer_ , Knight-Captain." Hawke replied with a smirk.

Touche. Cullen relented. "Yes, well, it's a fine animal, Hawke."

"Thanks." Hawke accepted the compliment and patted his dog on its head. "Been through alot together, me and him. And even though he still tries to take Fenris' side of the bed they've always gotten along. Love me, love my dog." Hawke winked and took a sip of his drink.

"Words to live by Curly." Then Varric added with a sly smile, "I couldn't help but notice you glowering at Her Inquisitorialness earlier when she was carrying around Ruffles' pug. All the ladies have those obnoxiously cute dogs now. It might behoove you to take the hint and have her wake up to one of her own on Satinalia morning."

Hawke continued to prod. "That's right Commander. She has to wake up to the snake in your pants every morning. Give her something worth snuggling up to for change. It is the holidays."

Both Hawke and Varric laughed when Cullen coughed up some of his ale.

"Seriously though, Curly, I can hook you up with one no problem. You know she wants one. Her squeals of delight will be heard far and wide if you just suck it up and let her have it."

"Ugh, Varric, no one needs to know about the squealing and sucking that goes on between the good Templar and his Lady." Hawke pretended to retch up his drink. "Although it's nice to see you loosening up a bit, Commander. If you'd been like this back in Kirkwall, I might not have been able to resist your charms. I'm a sucker for strong grumpy types with big swords." Hawke raised his glass and toasted with it.

Varric just chuckled into his cup.

On that note, Cullen finished his ale and rose from the table. "Thank you, gentlemen, for your sage counsel."

"Anytime Curly. Just let me know what color ribbon you want for the Inquisitor's Satinalia pug alright?"

"Not going to happen, dwarf." Cullen mumbled under his breath. He swore he could hear them laughing at him as he left.

The air outside was crisp and a thick blanket of snow had fallen on Skyhold while he'd been with Varric and Hawke. An unexpected smile tugged at his scarred lip when he pictured Josephine's pug trying to walk in the drifts that likely now came up to its huge eyeballs. The cold wind on his cheeks was refreshing but he was eager to be in the warmth of his bed next to Evelyn.

The servants had finished decorating the main hall and it was resplendent with the trappings of the holiday. He made a point to memorize where each sprig of mistletoe was hung so he could sneak a kiss with Evelyn underneath all of them in turn. He couldn't wait to see her blush and push herself up on her toes, hands resting on his shoulders, lips soft and inviting.

Cullen walked quietly into their chambers and found her already asleep, next to the pug, who was on his side of the bed. His first instinct was to pick the dog up and take back his territory, but Evelyn looked so peaceful and content with one of her hands laid atop the thing's head, he was loathe to disturb her.

Cullen stood there for a long while, watching the rise and fall of her chest. When she stirred and rustled the sheets, it woke the dog who stood up and shook itself noisily. It jumped down from the bed, snorted imperiously at Cullen and then marched past him. He watched it go down the stairs, and when it reached the bottom, it pawed at the door and looked back up expectantly. Cullen opened the door and immediately the pug ran straight over to Evelyn's chair at the head of the main hall, jumped up on it, turned its back on Cullen and then settled into the cushion to continue sleeping.

Clearly the only thing better than a bed was a throne. Cullen left the dog in the hall so it could lord over the populace of Skyhold in its sleep. He went back upstairs to find Evelyn sitting up in bed.

"Did you let the dog out?" She said sleepily

"It mostly let itself out. It's asleep in your chair downstairs now. If it's still there in the morning, I'll be sure to bring up some prisoners for it to pass judgement on."

"He's winning you over with his charm, isn't he?" Evelyn slid out from under the blankets and helped him undress.

"It isn't so much charm as it is relentless annoyance."

Cullen allowed Evelyn to lead him into bed. "Well, it's only a few more days, my love, and then he's back with Josie and you'll have me _and_ your side of the bed all to yourself again."

"It appears I have that now, Inquisitor." A wicked grin spread across his face. Cullen leaned forward. He brought his lips down to lightly caress Evelyn's jaw. She tilted her head back to expose the slope of her neck to him. The delicate skin begged to be kissed, but instead of giving her what she was asking for with her silent actions, he decided to give her what she deserved instead.

HIs hands found her hips and he pushed her away only to turn her around so she faced the bed. With firm decisiveness, he pulled her backwards flush against him. She leaned her head back trying to entice him again into kissing her sensitive pulse point but he refused to comply. Bringing one hand between them, he caressed the dip between her shoulder blades gently and then pressed her forward and down, bending her at the waist.

Her face nestled into the sheets, she let out a muffled giggle and arched her back making her pert little bottom rub against his now hard length. Hands back on her hips, he encouraged the motion pulling her against his stiffness. He manipulated her movements into a slow rhythm of clothes-covered friction. Her giggles turned to sighs and he wrapped a hand around to cup her sex drawing them closer together. When he pressed his fingers against her through the thin fabric of her nightdress her languid sighs turned to pleading moans.

Bending forward he covered the back of her neck with kisses while he occupied his hands pulling off her clothes and freeing himself from his own. The first touch of skin on skin made them both gasp. He squeezed her in a tight embrace before he straightened himself and grabbed her hips again. His cock was twitching now, hard and eager to be buried inside her and her eagerness to have him showed in the slickness of her folds that met his searching touch.

Cullen forced himself to slow his breathing and maintain his focus. Not without effort he took himself in hand and guided his tip to just barely tease at her heat. She tried to push back against him and force him to take her swiftly but that wasn't what he was craving. He stilled her increasingly erratic gyrating with a steel grip on her waist and she mewled sounding both frustrated and wanton.

He was motionless for a long time, as long as he could manage, holding her immobile and holding at bay his urge to slam into her.

When she moaned his name it was a needy supplication, though he could tell it was still voiced through a smile. Cullen exhaled and pushed into her slowly, gently, inch by inch and he watched as he disappeared inside of her. His head fell back when his pelvis was flush against her and he reveled in the heat of her surrounding him. His grip on her slackened and she took control of their pleasure, building a rhythm, sliding herself forward and back, forward and back until his fingers clenched into her delicate curves again guiding her movements with forceful desire.

The snowy world outside disappeared and shrunk down to the warmth of their room, a fire dying to embers in the hearth, the comfort of their bed and the tender intimacy of their joining.

Indulgent enjoyment of each other's bodies quickly turned to desperation as each of them felt the first drumbeats of their climax pulse deep within. Evelyn's cries of _yesyesyes_ danced in tune with Cullen's throaty grunts escalating in volume and intensity until their bliss erupted with thunder in their cores and lightning behind their eyes

When the ecstasy subsided and they came down from their high, two sweat streaked sated bodies collapsed together onto the downy bed. Evelyn's light hearted giggle emerged from underneath him and she wiggled herself around and turned them both so he was flat on his back. She curled up into his embrace and quickly fell asleep.

He held her close and watched the snow fall outside. As predicted, she put him right back into the holiday spirit, in spite of overwork and overly annoying pugs. This would be the best Satinalia he'd had in years with her pressed close to him, smiling and sharing her easy and natural joy. He loved her more than anything and she was the most amazing gift he could ever hope to get in this life.

He laid back and sighed, a defeated grin parting his lips. He would have to speak with Varric first thing in the morning.

And he did speak to Varric first thing, all while enduring the dwarf's silent 'I told you so' looks and Hawke's not so silent ones. It was worth it and he would endure anything if it made his Evelyn happy.

It was a good thing he felt that way because, on Satinalia morning, he was forced into one of the most degrading experiences of his life. He walked resolutely across the courtyard and through the main hall while he carried a little pug puppy in one of his hands. It was newly weaned and wearing a red bow around its neck. It was far too tiny and far too cute and he was far too irritated by it. Knowing how he had reacted to Josephine's dog, more than one person he passed had to cover a laugh at his pointed diligence in delivering his gift.

The first thing he saw in the hall was Boot curled up and sleeping on Evelyn's throne again as if he owned the place. Cullen had actually been pleasantly surprised to discover pugs mostly slept all day. That knowledge made his eventual surrender somewhat easier to bear.

He found Evelyn with their friends at a table sharing warm mugs of cider. She didn't notice him at first so he was able to sneak up behind her, reach down and lay the pug on the table. It tilted its odd flat face and looked up at her expectantly. Evelyn gasped then turned to see him standing there.

"For you." He said simply, lowering his eyes to the floor and rubbing at the back of his neck. He almost had to plug his ears at the elated squeal that erupted from his love. First she scooped up the dog and then she flung herself at him peppering kisses across his cheek.

Her endless stream of thank you's and the beautiful smile adorning her face were enough to make this the best holiday he'd ever had despite the small ugly creature crushed between them trying to push him away with its tiny, useless paws.

"I have something for you too!" She finally exclaimed, shoving her new pug back into his hands. Evelyn ran from the hall and left him there with a pug in a red bow, much to the amusement of their friends.

Hawke's voice from across the room made him cringe. "Hey, Knight-Captain, you're standing under some mistletoe. You owe the pug a kiss."

Cullen bit back a curse and reminded himself this had been a good holiday a few moments ago. Before the laughter at his expense died down, Evelyn walked back in. Or rather she was dragged back in.

A giant mabari, with a red bow around his neck, came bounding into the hall in front of Evelyn who held its leash. When she almost fell trying to control the beast, she gave up and unclasped the dog who immediately ran up to Cullen and jumped up on him in greeting.

Cullen instinctively lifted Evelyn's pug away from the rough play of the larger dog. His unexpected protective gesture towards the glorified rat caused another round of laughter.

"And this imposing animal is for you my love." Evelyn said proudly, gesturing to the mabari. She took her pug from him and snuggled it against her cheek.

Cullen ordered the mabari to heel. It immediately obeyed and snapped to attention awaiting its next order. It was the Commander's turn to swell with pride. It was the perfect gift.

"Evelyn…I…" But she didn't let him finish his inadequate expression of gratitude. She put a finger to his lips to silence him and then she pointed to the sprig of green above them. Cullen smiled and kissed her to a chorus of hoots and hollers from the crowd, the snores of Josephine's sleeping pug and the snorts of Evelyn's new pup. The little pug was trying to sneak its way between them and steal back Evelyn's attention for itself. It was the first of many covert attempts to claim all of her affections. Fortunately she saw the ploy for what it always was and aptly named the pug _Sneaker_.


End file.
